Humor Excavation Suffers Slowdown

February 14, 2022 by Mark

Breakdowns, banana ban, supply chain issues compound joke shortage. Workers upset.

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Frederick Braswerth has the pre-Valentine's Day jitters. Normally, he'd have a fridge stocked full of one-liners, gags and other fun stuff ready for his wife Hermelia. But this year, his gag fridge is empty.

"It's cold and blustery without the normal laughs to keep our marriage going." Braswerth said.

Hermelia says she's been short on laughs since Christmas, about the time one of her swollen ankles started acting up. "I've seen happier months, that's for sure," she said while specifically requesting to not be quoted for this story.

Banana Ban

One major contributor is the official ban on funny looking bananas. Administration officials have pointed out that bananas aren't good for mid-term elections, especially if you're running for office, and that they'd prefer the fruit remain out of the media until they know who's won.

But Braswerth thinks differently. He says the jokes make for funny elections, otherwise no one would even pay attention.

"Politicians need to make gaffes so late-night comedians have a rich supply of fodder to keep folks up at night. You could just as easily blame electricity." Braswerth said.

Although the administration has promised to lift the banana ban after the elections, fruit growers are upset because they just want to supply people with the healthy, delicious fruit on storeshelves.

Supply Chain Issues

Not only is Walmart out of coconut cream stove oil, but humor -- the backbone staple of the midwest starting about September and lasting through May -- in short supply means little tv, even littler Netflix, and reams of Soduku printouts.

Hermelia takes issue with the Walmart shortage, too: "It's their way of letting us know they're in charge. I tell the ladies at coffee that I can get my toe cream at the five and dime -- I don't need Wally for everything."

Massive Breakdowns, Maintenance Issues

Workers running the excavators point at bearings they've needed to replace since before dirt was invented. "Grease-ups take longer than usual, and you might see days where we find one, maybe two precious gems. But if one's about bananas, we pretty much have to to throw it in stock until the ban is lifted." Kermit Fullhelper said. He's a foreman with twenty-two years' experience in the trade.

Things you can do at home to help the humor shortage:

• Wear warmer clothes
• Eat significantly more chocolate
• Renew your subscription to all those boring home repair magazines

Other ways to entertain

1. Paper cutout books
2. Soduko parties
3. Heirlooms with banana stories and photos